What it's like to be gay, hairy, and fetishized

One writer on queerness, masculinity and the fetishization of body hair

The hair on my chest, ass, and thighs has been the property of others for as long as I’ve had it.

When I was in high school, boys in the gym locker room would make their eyes as big as a tree frog’s and cackle in the direction of the tangled, coarse, chestnut-colored mess of hair on my chest. To avoid unwanted attention, I changed clothes in the bathroom stall.

SEE ALSO: How Brooklyn became the world’s queer mecca

The boys who laughed at the sight of my chest hair did not have as much as me, but were often the same ones who called me “faggot” or confronted me about my sexuality in front of large groups of people in the way that makes closeted, young gay boys’ hearts fall to their feet. My chest hair protected my masculinity in some ways, but also called attention to my difference. It was a weapon, but also a liability.

I came out as gay when I was a freshman in college. While my experience with my own body hair has changed, it’s still a point of conversation. Especially when it comes to sex. Often, it’s brought up even before we get into the bedroom.

(The essay goes on...)

[quote]Within queer spaces, there are unwritten standards for these different tribes, and they’re strict. On apps like Scruff and Grindr, the user is given the option to specify what tribe they belong to. For instance, a “bear” is a man of bigger form who has lots of hair. An “otter” is smaller than a bear but equally as hairy. While gay culture has allowed men to become proud of their queer identities, this also has had a detrimental effect – it excludes those who are outside these spheres.

[quote]These apps go so far as to have a feature in which men can input their own exclusionary sexual preferences in their information section. While they believe this to be “preference,” it’s tied to white supremacy and racism. Often, the ones who are setting these exclusionary sexual rules are the same who self-promote their own idea of masculinity, racism and misogyny with headlines such as “Masc looking for masc,” code for no fats, no femmes, blacks or Asians.

We don't 'fetishize' body hair. We like it cuz it grows on mins.

Secondary sexual characteristics, y'all.

R2, no one has suffered like the author!!! (Who I think is picture in the article) His hair is the property of men who fetishized it in queer spaces!

These attention seekers are exhausting. If no one paid him any attention he'd still be whingeing about how "queer spaces" exclude hairy men. If guys do approach him, he feels fetishized. These morons live in a state of constant victimhood.

I'm glad that this writer was able to draw attention to a topic of such import, and we are so, so lucky that he was able to enhance his considerable rhetorical gifts with the aid of demurely-posed photos that emphasise his own model good looks.

So brave!

then wax it off you daft cunt

Another millennial complains that the world doesn't revolve around him, doesn't reward him, and doesn't work the way HE wants it. His LinkedIn profile is a lesson in specialness and vapidity.

No, r8! He is just "a creative writer preoccupied with writing stories that exhume the ordinarily intimate"!!!

My god, that article was insufferable

Rule of thumb: those guys who are precociously hairy are usually short with small to medium dicks.

He's not even that hairy!

Here's another sample of his writing:

Thank goodness I'm hairy, or no one would fuck me. Happy to be fetishized all they want.

I'm just DYING to read "How Brooklyn became the world’s queer mecca".

Speranza was Oscar Wilde's mother's pen name

I was just going to say, R12, that I have more hair on my body than he does, and I don't consider myself that hairy - I've seen a lot hairier. What a bizarre article.

Well it’s on a site that no one will ever see it. That’s why the author had to post it here. Everything connected with this story and mostly the author. Me and my girls will look for him to beat him with a car aerial.

I have body hair ! I have problems ! LISTEN TO ME !!!!

He has a lot of chest hair for someone still in their early twenties but it’s not anything to get worked up about. His Instagram is telling. He’s the type of guy that takes pictures that try to be artistic with vague, cryptic captions.

He’s a kid, and hopefully he’ll realize how tiresome his schtick is with a few more years of real world experience.

A hairy ass is disgusting, You can't clean it properly. Yech.

Impeccably clean and hairy asses among Muslims in the Middle East. Where there is a will, there is a way.

I'm gay, hairy, built and have a shaved head, beard and a big dick. If anyone wants to fetishize me they are welcome to - how I look is not all I am, and other people's opinions are none of my business.

I am a millennial who has always been hairy. I've never been fetishised by it... Usually people are repulsed by my hair. If I grew up in the 70s, I'd be a sex symbol I feel.

I have so much chest hair pubic hair etc I don't bother ever shaving. That would be a hour long ordeal constantly. I just let it grow and fuck what society thinks of hair. Though I don't like hair personally but meh.

Do you smell special when wet?

I really think the aim for thinkpieces like this is to just irritate everyone.

"As a young boy, my perception of what it meant to be masculine was tainted by boys who mistook my quiet nature and hairy chest for an oxymoron. Later, I confused my hairy chest for a sexual asset. Today, I question why I gave it all so much power."

... he writes at the end of a 1,000-word essay. One that's adorned with alluring photos of his hairy body, even as he implicates other gay men for fetishizing him. Talk about mixed messages.

I cut him some slack because he's young. But he should work on being less solipsistic. At least he interviewed one other gay man. He should have talked to more.

On a prose level, he's a decent enough writer, so at least his BFA wasn't for nothing. The most provocative part of the essay was his unsupported assertion that the "preferences" feature of hookup apps are "tied to white supremacy and racism." I don't know if I totally agree with that, or at least I don't think it's fair to simply trot it out as fact, but it is an idea worth investigating. I'd suggest he report that out through interviews with a couple dozen gay men of all shapes, sizes, races, ages etc ... and maybe he'd have something actually worth writing about.

That photo at r9 -- how much work can we see in it? What has he had done?

The writing in r12 is tedious and pretentious.

People ought to be grateful for whatever's attributes others' find attractive. Warm fuzzies for all the hairy blokes who don't mind a bit.

R25 the aim is to establish an identity as a writer but never learn how to report anything or communicate truth. It's navel gazing and encouraged by the WWW as well as our shitty colleges.

Can we also point out that in the scheme of things, he's not particularly hairy?

He may have hit puberty very early (sounds like it if he had a hairy chest in high school) but there are much hairier guys out there.

He's pretty much a pretentious twat.

It’s heartening that many on here have already taken him to task. Insufferable is right.

A college buddy of mine was tall, handsome, rich, a French aristocrat, generous and charming, and ttbm (horse hung).

[quote]One writer on queerness

This bitch is exhausting. Skip

I mention him because everyone found something to fetishise about him. But he was above all that, and married a "handsome" woman, another french aristocrat.

[quote] My chest hair protected my masculinity in some ways, but also called attention to my difference. It was a weapon,

We Cry Baby women use our chests as weapons!

I love these pieces.

Look at my fabulous chest hair! Look at it!

LOOK AT IT!

Let me tell you all about it, and how much sex I got because of it!

But now realize I'm fully woke, and realize I was being exploited because of it...

Elder lez here, I take what I can get so long as she’s not an asshole. At my age, it’s all in the personality.

He need ta kwit! Or least show dik!

I bet she paints all over raw penises.

Even with all that hair he still looks feminine.

R49 it's because the excessive chest hair was repressing his masculine nature due to his natural defense responses due to the hegemony of masculinity imposing its dictats and norms without his consent. Don't you READ???

Oh hell - I'm only half Italian and I got the hairy gene. From the age of 13 I had to start shaving daily. Now of course there's a lot of gray creeping in. But I still get attention in my decrepitude. Chest, back, arms, legs. Hair everywhere. I'm in my 50's and my hair line hasn't receded yet.

My partner is very hairy. I like it.

when I post semi nudes on Instagram I use a filter to make my chest and leg hair look more prominent and guys go crazy for it.

There's a hair increasing filter? :-o

There's only one response to shit like this: Get over yourself, dude.

The closer a man is to the “missing link,” the more I want to fuck him silly. You cunts can have all the shaved armpit Nancy boys to yourselves. Zero interest in the poor imitation of a woman.

I’m naturally hairless and the poll results are disparaging. Time to Rogaine my chest and ass.

R59 I think it only accidentally grows hair everywhere else if you are putting it on your head hoping to grow head there.

Oh honey, you think you're a writer, keep trying.

très très bien monté = very very well endowed

I'm a guy that prefers a guy with little or no chest hair, but has a full bush and prominent happy trail.

I couldn't read more than two sentences of that self-indulgent, "I'm-a-victim" piece.

I used to hate my body hair. I would use all those hair removal products which smelled horrible and burned my skin.

When I learned that many men liked my hairy body and didn't mind the hair at all, and in fact, were turned on by it, it helped me to embrace my body. So, fetishize my body hair all you want, it makes me feel better about myself.

R65 agreed. Some fetishes actually help other people's self esteem in general.

Saying "queer" and "queerness" should be illegal.

I like BENT dick. Really turns me on.

I have it on good authority that if you’re hairy, bald and overweight, you only want it raw.

I’m wondering if r50 is married.

Cause I’m proposing!

He looks great in the photos,though their inclusion in the article makes him look rather silly.

If this is what Emerson is producing as writers...

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